Tuesday, July 27, 2010

2010.7.27 11:58pm

** I shall not astray from my thoughts.

After the tuition I feel better now. Mind is somehow freed. And I have just packed the bag to go on a journey. I don't know how many days it will take but I should be back by monday. I took 30000 won. I'm going to use only this much for the bus fee. 50000 won, I'm going to keep them somewhere I can easily forget about it. So that I can use it only at the time of emergency.

The reason why I go on this journey, as I have mentioned earlier, is to find out who I am(excluding what others see me...), What kind of person I am... Truthfully I am so confused with all the relationships that I've made till now. Even my parents, honestly, I don't have any idea who are they. My friends, brother, sister, and lover.. I don't know who are they. And I don't know who I am. I believe this journey I take, at least, will give me some ideas to know 'me'. And from that I try to draw lines to my close people whom I dearly cherish. I want to find 'meaning'...

Just yesterday I have climbed up to the hill behind my house alone. While I was climbing up I felt so fresh to be there. Surroundings were all lively and energetic I found... However as I go little higher I started to get frigtened with this unknown place though there was a path in front of me. On the other hand I was very excited to carry on with the path that I saw. I went on for awhile. Strangely I just stopped and I started to coming back. It might be the fright won over in my mind.
After tonight's tuition, on the way back home, I was confused with myself. Whether I really want to go on a journey or not. Which means, I believe, frightfulness to the strange place and excitement for the adventure had a conflict in my mind like a devil and an angel. So when I came back home, I started to pack my stuffs. I felt that if I didn't do that, I could not go on a journey tomorrow. Now everything is ready. I just have to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning. I will see the bag packed and just take my money and move on...to the strange places and to me...

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